Dear Taiba: It's All A Pretence
I keep hearing how I am a confident, lovely woman. How I was once a shy, timid girl who has bloomed into a woman who knows what she wants and how to get there. People are surprised at the adult Taiba.
Surprised at me?.
The woman who prefers calling herself a young girl because the thought of growing older terrifies her. The woman who constantly doubts herself and questions why she is talking to random strangers but making long lasting relationships is a foreign concept to her.
I can’t even make myself phone my mum back after a couple of missed calls or have a group of friends more than two people. I am blubbering mess. A chaos.
I am not a confident person and I don’t understand why everyone keeps telling me I am. I hate my job. I hate talking to these random people constantly. Forcing a smile on my face when all I want to do is hide from the world. I’ll second guess myself when my media teacher asks me a question even though I know I know the answer. I want to fade into the background and just stop existing for a while.
If people even heard the cluttered thoughts inside my head, they would realise that it is all a pretence. That while I am talking to the Paperchase’s cashier, my mind goes into a frenzy. “She doesn’t want to know about you working in Subways. Your voice is cringed, just shut up”.
It’s all pretence