Dear Customer, 

I know you’re an incompetent little fool, who has never learned how to clean up after themselves. Unfortunately for you, I am not your mother. It is not my duty to clean up your messso please practise some basic hygiene and put the rubbish in the bin. The bin is literally placed next to the door, we have made it so easy for you! Why are you still struggling?

Dear Customer, 

We are not not in a practical in which we have to determine “if she is in a mood or not”. And no, we’re not in a reality game show either. We do not need to make a comment about a worker not smiling. Contrary to your beliefs’, retail workers are not robots. Unfortunately, we do not have the ability to continuously be smiling, especially when presented forth with customers, like yourself. In reality, your comment has made me create several scenarios to hurt you in the most painful way without losing my job. 

Dear Customer, 

I am not your punching bag! I understand you probably had a really crappy  day, work must have been hectic with the boss looming over your shoulder and deadlines not met. I get it. We have all been there. You just want to quickly grasp your food and either want to get every thing done before your shifts finished or relax in a nice hot bath once you arrive home. I know I definitely do after today. However, making my day a living hell is not going to make yours any better. We are just going to have a vicious cycle of negativity going around. The world is already a sucky place, we seriously don’t need you to make it worse. 

Dear Customer, 

Commenting about shop prices is honestly futile. Yes, I know a tuna sandwich is equivalent to putting a deposit on a house. If you have a problem, take it up with the economy and thank a baby boomer for making it great for us millennial. Oh, you are a baby boomer? *heavily sighs*. Also you can just never buy a tuna sandwich from us again. You save money from this ridiculously priced sandwich and I have one less customer to deal. This is what I call the perfect situation. 

Dear Customer, 

What part of “we are closed”, do you not understand? Don’t even bother threatening me with the manager. One, he’s not here and two, WE ARE CLOSED! I am not going to reopen the shop just for a person who does not know how manage their time. I made sure I could get majority of the cleaning done before close so i can finally go home and have that nice relaxing bath Ive been thinking about all day. And you think you’re going to ruin my close for me by coming 3 second after we are closed. I don’t think so. Perhaps, if you’re really desperate for your tuna sandwich you could always come a few days earlier, preferably when im not on shift.

Your Sincerly,

A customer who is extremely tired of your silly little tantrums 🙂

Disclaimer: Please do not take this post seriously, it’s just for humour with a tiny bit of seriousness