Years, I spent trying to create goals and plans to change and make another new year mine. After 2018, however, I concluded that there is no such thing as “my year”. It doesn’t exist. Because 2018 had started off brilliantly and had ended with even more incredulity. It would have been “my year” if it was not for the fact, I had lost the rock of my life. 2018 was the year I had lost my grandma. It’s been a rough few months just trying to move on and try to continue with life when I know I am just falling deeper down the hole.
Now that 2019 has begun, I am not going attempt to even make this ‘my year’. There no new Taiba, instead there is an old and the same Taiba. I always referred to my younger self as someone else entirely. However, I am my younger self.12-year-old Taiba is the same as 16-year-old Taiba. 21-year-old Taiba is 9-year-old Taiba. I am the past, present and future Taiba. I am the same person I was 10 years ago, and I will be the same person in 10 years.
Instead of trying to change myself and become this persona of something I want to be. I am going to embrace myself, the good and the bad. I have flaws. I am judgemental even though I try so hard not to be. I hardly ever look in the mirror because I am never happy to see the way I look. I have an incredible writing style and I’m not, luckily, addicted to caffeine. I was a horrible rebellious child and was always in time out by my parents.
After years of hating the person I am, I am ready to fully learn how to accept myself. 2019 will be the year I embrace the beautifulness of my culture. I come closer to my Lord and learn more about who I am. I want to be me. With the good and the bad. I want to learn to not be afraid to be myself. It’s time to stop thinking of what could have been and what will be. It’s time to think about now. Who am I at this moment?
I am not reinventing myself anymore. I am just going to be Taiba. The best possible version of Taiba. So, here’s to 2019. The year we can all finally learn to be ourselves in a world who wants us to change